Stuck in a Trailer Park

I went to Katie and Christy's today, only to get stuck driving out of their street. Some grandma was heckling me. It was pretty embarrassing.

Stuck in a Trailer park Haiku

Get stuck in slush and
get heckled. You decide to
park at Taco Bell.

Merry Christmas

My family has traditionally celebrated Christmas Eve more than Christmas Day. We always open our presents today, and we usually have family around us, and we don't do anything for Christmas Day. This year with the snow, we are staying home, not because we can't get to Astoria, but because my mom really really doesn't want to have to deal with her mom and sister (and nephew!). So all day I will be playing with my cat and shamelessly downloading music. Here's some haiku for all of you.

Snowpocalypse Haiku Part ?

Christmas is cancelled.
The roads are..uhhh...dangerous?
So let's just stay home.


Christmas: According to Wikipedia Haiku

A holiday of
gifts, worship, and a made-up
man named Santa Claus.

For old time's sake

Sorry I haven't been updating, I've been busy being snowed in and working hard at the hop. During these past couple of days, I have been reminded of the pain of changing out the syrups, the fury of angry customers, and the joy of winking at old people.

IHOP Haiku (number one million)

Sorry about the
omelet you rude, soulless,
fat pieces of trash.


Snopocalypse Haiku

"These gloves were the last
pair of women's gloves at the
local Fred Meyer!!!"

Snopocalypse Haiku II

"You could get frostbite
In twenty degree weather
so please stay indoors!"

Snopocalypse Haiku III (12/20/08)

We reached IHOP at
o-seven hundred hours.
It was abandoned.


Hopefully this weather won't last much longer. There are some people I would really like to see before I head back to Seattle. Merry Christmahanukkwanzikuh!

Almost Forgot

To add what I overheard in the mall yesterday. A lot of people talked to me at the mall, but I overheard some woman say this on the phone in Macy's.

Overheard in the Mall Haiku

The most spiritual
thing that a Christian can do
is to take a nap.


I'm getting the feeling that she thinks meditating is just napping. I wonder how Buddhists would feel about this...

I guess I have to...

From obnoxious Mormons in my classes, to Southpark episodes, this phenomenon has interrupted my peaceful life. I thought I could ignore it, and in time, it would pass. This morning, it was on AM Northwest. At that moment, I knew I could no longer escape...


Twilight Haiku

Silly teen vampires
and sexual tension is
what this country craves.

Blizzzzard

Since it is currently snowing the annual three whopping inches of snow, my parents decided to watch local news all day. I visited a friend for her birthday, and my mom called me, freaking out that the power was out and she couldn't watch local news. It was only out for about an hour and a half, but my parents are still freaking out pretty bad. My dad was scared that he would miss 60 minutes.


Local News Haiku

Don't go outside! It's
snowing and your face could get
frostbite if you do.


No joke, they talked about frostbite in twenty degree weather on the news. At that point I had to get out of the house.

Ugh

Tonight is my dad's 50th birthday party. I need to find a way out of the house to avoid the countless middle aged drunks who will ask me about school. Also, I am getting really fed up with the music that is playing on the stereo system right now.

Bad Musical Taste Haiku

I am already
being tortured with Christmas tunes,
why Jimmy Buffet?

Interesting moment in time

As I was driving downtown earlier this evening (or technically, morning), these guys who had to be at least thirty were driving an escalade, and were at an intersection by me. The indicated that they wanted me to roll down my window, so I did, and they said that they really wanted to party with me. They were probably pretty drunk.

Drunken Request Haiku

Hey whatcha doin?
You should come in here and smoke
some dank with us, now!


Needless to say, I did not take them up on that offer, but I appreciate them for considering me. I hope they had a good time, and they aren't hurt now. They were from California (unless the SUV was stolen), so they may not be familiar with the area...

I'm "home"

I'm back in Camas for about a month. I get to return to the joys of IHOP, my fat yet adorable cat, and Portland, though I no longer feel comfortable sleeping in my own room. My dad has been driving the Taurus, and he left a ton of middle-aged-man garbage in there. I spent three hours cleaning it out today.

Middle-aged-man Garbage Haiku

It took me three hours
to sift through fast food garbage
and numerous hats.


IHOP Remodel Haiku

Trying to fix up
IHOP is much like putting
lipstick on a pig.

I'm so Productive

On this paper of mine about "the other" and political correctness or whatever. Based on the day's events (I'll spare you the details), I thought of a new haiku!

Thigh fucking haiku

You proceed to fuck
the shit out of her thighs. Used
mostly by Mormons.

I'm back

NaNoWriMo has officially been over for 5 days, so I can get back to writing some juicy haiku. Currently I am sitting in the lounge with my school chums Isaiah, Michael, and Linden, and they are watching Mortal Kombat II. Linden and I are confused by this film.

Mortal Kombat II Haiku

Shao Kahn is being a
dick and just wants to fucking
annihilate earth.

In honor of thanksgiving and black friday

Sorry again, NaNoWriMo continues to take up most of my time, but there are only a little more than 2 days left for me to write, so I will be posting more haiku soon. Here are a few for now:

Thanksgiving Haiku

My uncle Jim wore 

a shirt that said "I support

our troops with prayer."

Black Friday Haiku

You wake up at three

to buy ugly shirts and socks

from JC Penney

Christmas Haiku

Christmas is in less

than a month. Display all of

your gaudy yard lights.

I'll be back soon. Just two days and 6,000 words left...

For you, my trendy friends...

Mostly for you transgender Mike, because you are a sarcastic pain in the ass :) 

Post-Modern Haiku

Everything is 

post-modern if you know how

to justify it.

How Ironic Haiku

Let's eat KFC.

Then we can drive our hummers.

Irony is hip.

Finally, some new haiku

I know I've been slacking, I need to add some new material, no excuses. Here are a few new haiku to get you through the day, and there will be plenty more where that came from.

Jew Haiku (Inspired by Michelle Nemetz):

Jews may be smart, and

they may be nerdy, but they 

party the hardest.

R.I.P. TRL Haiku

Carson Daly is 

all washed up, and his only

achievement is dead

Destruction Haiku

You destroy me while 

I destroy you. Mutually 

assured destruction.

I promise November will be over soon, and I'll be able to bring back the haiku madness!

Sorry I haven't been posting as often

I'm really busy with NaNoWriMo; I'm about 5,000 words behind and I need to catch up.

Here are a couple haiku in honor of the crazy David Bowie movies I've been watching this past week:

The Hunger Haiku

Watched it for Bowie,

loved it for the lesbian 

vampire bondage.

The Man Who fell to Earth Haiku

David Bowie is

thirsty, but falls in love with

a dumb psycho bitch.

And for the people of Mercer Hall:

"Fuckin' Brit" Haiku

Sorry I called you

a fuckin' Brit. I'm just a 

libelous Yankee.

One of the dumbest things I've ever heard

This girl keeps getting better and better

I've raised my standing in life Haiku

I am now the proud

godmother of a guinea

pig. I'm better now.

I don't even know what to say about this

Red Square 10/30 haiku

A man lit himself 

on fire and died and we are

all in complete shock.

This was crazy. I don't even know what to say about it.

I'm watching teevee!!!

TLC Haiku

Swallowed too many

pills. Now I'm on TLC.

I wish I had died.

Banking on a Myth

Today I learned that my CHID professor doesn't know doodley-squat about Martin Luther. He also kept saying "Diet of Worms" in a way that sounded like a real worm diet (like food), instead of diet as in "deity". Don't get me wrong, I love my professor to death, but if he would have taken a few hours to simply watch the movie "Luther," he would have gotten all of the same information (and more accurate information) along with pronunciations. So naturally, I tuned out after awhile, and worked on haiku...

Sparrow Haiku

This small flightless bird

occupies the ankles and

limbs of most hipsters.

Thomas Hobbes Haiku

Poor Thomas Hobbes was 

associated with the

Divine Right of Kings.

Feminist Response to the Magna Carta Haiku

This sacred text gave

rights to every body.

Well, except the chicks.

Uncertainty Haiku

I wish I knew where

I was going in life. I 

feel like such a prick.

Procrastinating yet again...

Haiku are way more fun than the Leviathan. This time I was inspired by my neighbor's bad taste in Halloween decorations and memories of my brother in his gamer days.

Nightmare Before Christmas Haiku

Tim Burton made a 

monster in the form of fat

nerds wearing top hats.

The Most Challenging Quest for a WoW addict Haiku

You may complete quests

and reach level seventy, 

but you won't get laid.

I Need Practice Haiku

I never thought that

smoking pipe tobacco would

be that difficult.

For Shiv

Residential Advisor Haiku

It is true that Shiv 

waxes his eyebrows, but he

knows how to party.

More of the same

I don't know how this girl has the ability to be everywhere I don't want her to be. I've begun to just accept it and find it funny. Someone on my floor started a list of her dumbest quotes, and they might make a show on youtube about her. I wasn't going to write anymore haiku about her, but something that she said last night, and something that she wrote on our RA's whiteboard (apparently she's a singer AND a writer) inspired me.

"I love hookah" haiku

I don't smoke that much

because I'm a singer. I'm

really an artist.

And in honor of Columbus day...

Columbus' sexual ambiguity haiku

Joseph Smith's muse had

a strange obsession with the 

tropical parrots.

In honor of bad taste...

Someone on my floor has horrible taste haiku

I found Boys II Men

and Aaron Carter on one 

iTunes library.

I apologize in advance...

If you do not live in Mercer 3W, you will not understand these. If this is the case, imagine a really really whiny obnoxious girl who thinks that being liberal and drinking tea is the key to popularity, and right now she's going through an "I hate my parents" phase. She embarrasses me, because I am liberal and like weird stuff, but I try not to be annoying and I definitely don't impose on others' beliefs.

To my floor mates, I hope these entertain you, at least mildly.

"As a writer..." haiku

Constant chatter of 

sacred coffee rituals.

Pssh, you drink Folgers! 

"I like to be earth friendly" haiku

Take the stairs when your

friend takes the elevator

'cause you love the earth.

"We should form a bluegrass band" haiku

Let's form a bluegrass 

band. I'm so tired of the

shitty mainstream stuff.

Last straw haiku

Stop talking. Your false

sense of non-conformity

is so annoying.

In honor of a good friend...

I miss my good friend Shane Geiger terribly, so I thought I would post a haiku in honor of him. If you don't know Shane, you should meet him now while you still can, because someday, he will be famous runner and won't have time for you.

Shane Geiger Haiku

Maybe someday the

world's fastest human will not

be from Jamaica.

Other haiku of today:

Hipster Haiku

Cook up some couscous,

spread social awareness, and

never take showers.

Sarah Palin Haiku

Our dear hockey mom

can see Russia from her house.

Real experience.

Overheard Haiku

Cole's friend and I overheard a middle-aged man wearing shorts and suspenders say something really funny that happened to be a haiku.

...so I put down two

Cayenne peppers. It was good,

yeah it was real good.

What a day

I thought of a few new haiku today and decided that I should start posting them somewhere.

Seattle Haiku

I came here looking

for love, and all you offered

was a giant troll.

Surprise Haiku

I pick you up and

squeeze you. What a big cat! Oh

wait, it's a raccoon.

John Edwards Haiku

Expensive haircut

commits adultry with less

style than Bill Clinton.